Purely as a public service to our nation’s airlines, on Monday the Alliance for Aviation Across America has created an “Airline CEO Labor Day Delay Excuse Checklist” to prepare passengers for what the group says will likely be “some of the excuses on delays that you can expect to hear from the commercial airlines this upcoming Labor Day weekend. “As airline delays increase, you need to know who you can use as a scapegoat so you can avoid taking responsibility for your own over-scheduling procedures, which even the DOT says are the second-leading cause of delays,” the Alliance helpfully adds.
Below is the handy list of excuses the Alliance says airlines can use. In fact, US carriers have already began using a few of these, to prepare passengers for the probable worst…
- Blame the weather (i.e. too hot, cold, rainy, windy, sunny, etc.)
- Blame a computer (After all, one laptop controls all flights at each airport.)
- Blame airports (Be sure to remind everyone that when you over-schedule, they should build more gates.)
- Blame runways (They should accommodate you when you schedule 58 departures in an hour.)
- Blame pilots (They should be glad they still have jobs. Everyone else got laid off.)
- Blame private planes (Try this game: Have the passengers try to spot one private plane during their 5 hour wait on the tarmac. Hint: since private planes rarely use your crowded hub airports, they will be playing for hours and will never see one. It’s also a good way to keep them too busy to realize that you didn?t provide them with food.)
“Remember: you are trying to get Congress to allot all of us a tax break!” the Alliance helpfully reminds the airlines. “You want to make sure that you disregard all responsibility for any of the following:
- “Our policies of pushing all of our flights into the largest and most congested hubs. Whatever you do, avoid the phrase “hub-and-spoke system.”
- “Poor customer service.
- “Laying off thousands of employees and cutting pensions while giving upper management millions in bonuses, benefits, and increased pay.”
“Don’t let the airlines keep using the same excuses!” the Alliance implores passengers. “Make them take responsibility for their own mismanagement!”